My mom & Matt (age 3)

Well, it’s December 5th, 2020, and I sit here in the middle of the night – wide awake. Why can’t I sleep tonight? It’s because my mind is flooded with memories of my son, Matt – who I gave birth to 33 years ago today. My first child and son went to heaven this year on April 13th so this is a first for me – this day without him here on earth.

His birth in 1987 was one that I awaited with baited breath – literally. From 8 weeks into the pregnancy, I knew there were problems, and so I searched out a wonderful doctor and went on short term medical leave to lay in bed for the duration of my pregnancy. On December 5th Matt was only 4 weeks early and as the doctor said, that was a good thing. The team of doctors met me at the elevator and within a short time, after our emergency C-section,  Matt was here! He was born at 8:32 pm at night, 4.9 lbs! He was just so tiny. It took us both 10 days in the hospital before we could go home. When we left, he weighed all of 5 lbs! The first year was tough but, my son made it!

I truly believe, even still, that I chose the right name, as Matthew means “Gift from God”. To me, then and now, he was my gift from God.

He always had a big smile and especially on this day! His life was filled with ups and downs but he loved his birthday! Last year, I could not get up to Baltimore from OC to see him, but we Facebook messaged, I sent him a Panera gift card and then, just about a month before he went to heaven, I got a notice that he activated and used it.

That makes me feel good to know that he enjoyed a little Panera Bread.

For me, there are times when I have such regret as in the last month of Matt’s life he reached out several times and I did not call or communicate back. I had my reasons then, but now I just wish I’d made that phone call to him. I’d give everything I have to hear his voice one more time on the phone now.

Tonight it is pouring rain – that reminds me of Matt as he really disliked rain. He’d say, I’d rather it snow. Right now, tonight, I feel like the rain drops are my tears pouring down my face that I cannot control. I miss him so much and some days are much harder than others – like this one.

On December 5th, 1999, my mom, and Matt’s Grandma Freda went to heaven. I told Matt she chose his birthday so that he’d always remember how much she loved him. I feel the sense of the two of them together now – smiling down on me. It was an ongoing joke with Matt & I (yet, I think we both believed it) as every year he’d talk about how Grandma Freda was going to make it snow on his birthday so that he could get out of school. This happened many times! But, then as adult in his first year in the Air Force in Texas, it snowed on his birthday! It had not snowed there in over 20 years, but for Matt – snow!

Matt & Ty

Matt & Danny at BNI

This is also Matt’s very best friend’s birthday, Ty. Although Ty is a year older than Matt – they both shared this same day. It was always something Matt cherished – spending this day together with Ty.

And, this is why I am not sleeping and thought perhaps, by putting it into words in this blog, it would help. Happy Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday, Matty!

Tomorrow, October 13th, 2020, will mark 6 months since my son, Matt left this world.

Matt was with me for 32 years and for a bunch of years he worked with my husband and I in Virtual Assistance by Anita and represented our company in BNI.

Since April 13th, I’ve been asked by many, how are you doing? And, so I thought I might write this blog to explain some of how I’m doing.

I miss him. First it was my birthday, May 3rd. I missed his call, Facebook Post and messages. The very next weekend was Mother’s Day… that was tough. I didn’t know what pain was before this; really. Then I thought I might be good until December, but football was one of Matt’s passions, so when football began again, once more I missed him as a part of my life.

Matt has shown me and sent me messages through people to let me know that he is ok; in fact the words come back to me over and over ‘I’m more than ok, momma’. I believe in my faith that he is in a place without pain, or loss or sadness. But, it is still difficult to walk through each day knowing that my oldest son, with that big smile and sparkling blue eyes, like his momma’s eyes, is not here. I can not talk to him; although honestly some days I still do talk to him. I just start talking to the empty room; my husband is somewhat concerned, but you know, this is new for us both; never navigated these waters before… losing our son was not in the plan.

This always makes me think about the circle of life and then, the Lion King movie. Matt loved this movie and used to sing the song as a child often; I can hear his voice now, the Circle of life… There have been moments of anger. Questions like “Why is it that I’m 57 & still here … what happened to your children outlive you?”  But, I don’t get to choose; no more than Matt did. We all believe in our family that God is with us and he directs our lives. In the very first day after Matt ascended to heaven, a friend said, “Anita, God had a special job for Matt to do in heaven; he needed him now.”

Yup, I get that too. So, when the tears come, the emptiness and the “I miss my son” – I have a few new outlets. First, I thought I’d do this 6 month blog. And, I’m creating a scrapbook. It contains pictures of Matt, but more special to me and I know they would be to him, the scrapbook contains cards from friends. We have received so many! Almost everyone wrote a personal messages with lots of comforting words, memories with Matt and support. The cards are each unique and beautiful It’s therapeutic for me to do a few pages at a time when I am really missing him.

Thanks to COVID, we’ve not been able to put together a celebration of Matthew’s life ceremony. Just like thanks to the world we live in now, we could not transfer his body to the funeral home for a week and ONLY immediate family could do the viewing and say good bye. I had to lobby, email, call and fill out forms just for this. In the end, the funeral home was so special to us; they allowed Matt’s best friend for over 20 years to also be with us. That was a good moment as Ty is like a son to me.

6 months. It feels like it was yesterday sometimes, and then the next moment, like this one, it feels like a million years since I’ve hugged him, heard his sweet voice say “Momma” like only he could do, or look at his blue eyes light up. Friends and family say I’m strong, but it’s the friends and family around me that keep me going forward. It’s also the knowledge that Matt would want me to enjoy this life as we’ve learned… it is so so much shorter than we realize.

If there is a lesson to be learned and Matt and I believed learning is life; that would be it; Live your Life – don’t put off that special call, email, text, and do what you really want with your life with the people you really want to be surrounded by – as it’s shorter than we think.

My deepest heartfelt thanks to all of you for your love, kind words, support, cards, texts, emails as you are light in my life over the past 6 months.

We all have a similar goal when we use social media marketing for business – we want to connect with our potential customers and current customers.

Are you completely advertising your social media campaigns?

Do you have social media icons (buttons)  for your Facebook page, Twitter, Linked In or You Tube at your website?  What about as a part of your email signature?

Have you had fliers printed or business cards lately?  Do you have the url for any of your social media on them?  Even if you have one of them with a familiar icon – you can direct them to the other social media sites by posting links cross referencing your accounts.

What about that?  Do you post content on your Facebook Page for business asking folks to follow you at Twitter and vice versus?

Are you advertising to your new clients?  When you send them a welcome email or call, ask them to join you on Facebook, Twitter, Linked In, etc.

Remember to have a comprehensive marketing plan for your business.  Have a beautiful day!

Well, if you are reading this and you are having troubles seeing the font, I have a hint for you!  It is a very neat trick taught to me over a year ago now by a special friend from Georgia.  You hold down your “CTRL” (Control) Key and at the same time scroll UP.  This will enlarge your font.  To reset it to standard settings just hold down ‘CTRL’ and the “0′ (zero).

The same thing can be accomplished by changing your resolution settings or the font that is standard for your Internet Browser or computer.  But, I like this little trick.

Quite a few folks have said this has helped them when I’ve posted it at Facebook and other social media sites so I thought I’d send out a blog about it.

Sending ‘warm wishes’ to all!

Make sure whatever you do, you soar to the highest heights at it!

Lately quite a few folks ask me about how to ‘Tag some one in a post or a photo’ at Facebook”.  Tag – You’re it!

Here are a few tips for how and when you might want to do this.

This is a pretty recent feature that Facebook has added. To Tag someone’s personal profile or their fan page at Facebook – Just follow these few steps:

To Tag someone or a fan page in a post –

1. Type in @ + the name of the person or the name of the fan page (@ is the shift + number 2)
2. This will bring up your list of friends or fan pages
3. Choose the appropriate one from the list
4. Now in the post you should see that this is a ‘clickable link’ or hyperlink to the person’s profile or the fan page
5. This allows your friends to easily be able to locate this person or fan page
6. In addition when you share your post, it will appear on that person’s profile (wall) or on their fan page

A very good use of this is if you want to thank them for something they have done for you.  For example you could post – “Thank you to @ + the name of someone and say thanks for helping me today.  This tells all of your network of folks that you appreciate this person.

To Tag a picture:

1. Just click on the button below the picture that says “Tag someone in picture”
2. Or click on the photo in the album
3. Begin typing their name and it will bring up your list again
4. This time check off the box next to the person’s name

I hope this little tidbit of information has helped some of you that have been asking! 

TAG – You’re it! 🙂

How much hope do you have in you life?

Most of us just feel like this is a word. Something that we use in sentences like “I hope that it doesn’t rain or I hope that I can achieve my goals in business.” But, do you really have hopes?  Moms will often say they hope that they will dance at their daughter’s wedding.

I said for the past 7 years that I would only be at my daughter’s wedding in spirit. She knew that I had little hope of seeing my now 12 year old daughter to her wedding day. She knew that mom did not have hope that her body would make it that far. However, I’ve had plenty of hope that God would give me all that I needed to be there in spirit. Quite often over the past 7 years, I would say to my husband or my best friend, “Please, be there for Hannah.”

Now, I have HOPE. The hope that I will dance at my daughter’s wedding.

My issues have been all about decaying teeth, which in turn infected my gums and then went into my blood stream. After many years of being a stay at home mom with no insurance, I had accepted my situation.  There was no way to financially repair the situation after all the 20 years that it took to get this far along.  And, After all, it was a sacrifice well made to be with my children, as they took their first steps, or went to the first day of school, or just walked in the door and yelled mom – and I was there.  It was a blessing to have that opportunity with my children.

Most folks don’t realize that decaying teeth, means infection, bacteria that creates not only a situation in your mouth, but also in your body This can have long term negative effects on your health.  Then there is the not eating.   How are you to eat fresh fruits, vegetables or even proteins, with very little teeth or ones that cause you extreme pain. It is a vicious circle. One that I have experienced firsthand.

If you are in need of dental work and you allow it to continue on without professional assistance, it will infect your entire body, take over your life and leave you in a place where there is no reason to hope.

I have HOPE now though. This year through the love of one of my best friends in this world, and many others caring and generosity, I have been given an incredible gift of Mother’s Self Care. My surgeries are completed and all the infection is gone. Soon I will have an extreme smile makeover.

But, more than that I have been given a healthier future. A chance to eat healthy foods again, gain weight, be less tired and less prone to sickness. To me though, the most incredible gift is that I have learned balance. I am learning to take care of myself and take care of my family, my volunteer work as a Girl Scout leader and my business.

Above all of that is the amazing and caring gift of HOPE. I have hope that I will dance at my daughter’s wedding, I may be able to live at the beach and volunteer for my beloved Girl Scouting program for many more years. There is HOPE that I have a future.  Lately many friends, who are like Angels on Earth to me, have given me hope that my new VA business will succeed, also.

Many thanks to Kim Wesley and all of my many Mother’s Self Care sponsors and friends that have helped me.
I am almost at the end of the process and now I will be able to smile on the outside with what I feel on the inside very soon.   My heart is filled with much gratitude.

Happy May! I love May as this past week was my birthday, it’s warm and sunny and lots of good stuff seems to be happening to me always in the month of May.  I have to say that this week has brought a few exciting events to  my life and I just had to take a moment to share with all.  I have not blogged in a while and thought my wonderful network of friends might want an update.

My ‘Goal’ was set last fall as a result of being in a business that made me want to stay in bed every day.  My clients were wonderful people, but the work I was doing made me feel sad, lost and as if my life was not heading in the right direction.  This is where Kim Wesley entered my life with much support, help, encouragement and guidance.  Kim is a special friend and truly like a sister to me.  She introduced me to the career of being a Virtual Assistant.  Through her mentoring and connections, I joined social media networks.  She connected my life with people that have truly transformed my life.  Together by the end of 2009, we had come to the realization that the goal was to exit the old, ‘yucky’ business as soon as I could obtain enough clients.

It is my extreme joy and excitement to announce that – Goals can be achieved and Dreams do come true – because this week I gave notice to my old, yucky business.  I am now a full time, 100% Virtual Assistant!  Woo Hoo! I love being a VA!  It is one of the most exciting, wonderful and awesome decisions that I ever made (with great encouragement from my friends and family).

This year of 2010 has given me so many wonderful blessings, so many new friends and opportunities that are beyond any goal or dream I could have ever imagined by myself.  It would fill a book to name each of the friends that have helped me, guided me and surrounded me with a community of love and support.  It is my great pleasure to call some of these folks my clients, also!  Hmmm… A book is not a bad idea.  Maybe a future goal.  It could be entitled “Every connection really does count”  because that is how I feel.  My life has transformed because the people that I have connected with have helped me, with no thought of what they were going to get in return.

My life is already filled with all of these opportunities, but in addition, I have been given an incredible gift this year,   Mother’s Self Care – See Kim’s blog for more details – but the short version is that I was given a new extreme smile makeover.  This week my new smile will arrive and by next week I will be experiencing a new me that I could never envision before.  My new network of friends are teaching me to dream big dreams!   It has given so much new hope to my life.  Again, I could write a book to thank all the numerous people who I would love to thank over and over for this incredible, amazing gift, but maybe later with the book.  Back to work for me, now.  Thanks for tuning in for my dragonfly’s recent adventures 🙂

Since I shared – why don’t you – What exciting, wonderful opportunities are happening in your life?